"That probably explains why you have them anyway..." my friend The Knight of Swords said pragmatically.
"It's more than that," I responded. "It's like, these women, they croon about swaying the hearts of men and things, and they do so using the worst and most diaphanous sort of innuendo, and it makes me run faster. As if, I want to be able to own that some day, y'know?"
The Knight of Swords shook his head with mock annoyance.
"No, I don't know!" The Queen of May blustered. "It's like you're trying to find poetry where there is none. Besides, aren't you afraid of people judging you if they go through your iPod?"
"I live in constant fear of this," I confessed, somewhat relieved that I wasn't alone in this paranoia.
"Are we being serious right now?" The Knight of Swords asked incredulously.
The Queen of May and I busied ourselves with our lattes. We were at Jitterz, a cafe we frequented after long days of being.
"You guys!" he cried.
"Think about it, good sir!" I said. "You're working out, and your earphones slip out of the jack, and the iPod jumps to speaker mode and everyone can hear what you're listening to."
"Or, you lose your iPod, and someone decides to go through it to figure out whose it is, and they discover that you're a closeted Gaga person." The Queen of May proposed.
"Okay, so we now know that GossipGuy has trashy, husky Bollywood sirens on his iPod to fuel his runs, and that Your Grace is secretly on The Edge of Glory..." The Knight of Swords began.
"I NEVER SAID THAT!" The Queen interrupted.
"Oh, please!" groaned I.
"Anyway," The Knight continued with a smile. "I have nothing to ashamed of, as far as my music goes."
I reached for his iPod, "Well, you wouldn't mind us going through it then!"
"Our worst fears are also our best schadenfreude," The Knight said grinning.
"THE DAVE MATTHEWS' BAND?!" exclaimed Her Grace. "You belong in both 'Stuff White People Like' and 'Sociopolitical Commentary for Stoners!"
"Seeing as I am both, I don't see why not!" The Knight rejoined.
"This whole Dave Matthews bit is as pretentious as you complaining about 'embarrassing' it was that you were on excellent terms with the bar-tenders around here." I said, laughing.
"Then it would follow that the call of the secret trashy Bollywood is why you're so strait-laced during the week, and really slut it up over the weekends..." was his riposte.
"What about the secret Gaga?" Her Grace asked.
"The fact that you'd bring it up shows an inherent need for attention," teased The Knight. "Or help."
"You awful people, why are you in my life?!" Her Grace wailed.
"Because nobody else can stand us?" I tried.
"Are you kidding? Everyone loves us!" The Knight cried.
"And we wouldn't have it any other way, would we?" I said quietly.
"Or can we not stand them?" Her Grace proposed yawning.
The Queen, The Knight and I decided that the time was nigh for more lattes. Calories be damned.
Until the next time,
GossipGuy.
