Kinase

In our bodies, the pathways that breakdown and synthesize glucose respectively are so closely linked, it's almost like you let one run through, and then press the rewind button to let the other one happen. So like a neurotic Gemini is the remote control in all this: a bi-functional protein which, on the pressing of one 'button' can rewind and forward. I love that bi-functional bastard, I imagine the other enzymes are jealous of him because he can multi-task, and that too with such important work. I don't care what you say Acetyl-CoA Carboxylase, you're still working with fat!

My bi-functional friend is hardly above reproach, though. He has to answer to the likes of Insulin and Glucagon,
submit to the humiliation of kinases. Oh kinases! All they do is transfer phosphoryl groups, and in the process halt the activity of enzymes. What a dick job! Stupid, grunt enzymes with no personality controlling the steps of other, more sophisticated people. Why? Because a hormone said so! I have reason to believe that a kinase isn't particularly sure as to what it is doing. As far the kinase is concerned, it's just a phosphorylation! What harm can it do? Ah, but the pain of being rendered neutral, anergized, hapless because a phosphoryl group decided to keep vigil over you is only known to those who have to deal with that ever-watchful compound group of good sense who just wants you to know that it must be cruel to be kind...

Like my bi-functional compadre, I too have spent a fortnight in painful phosphorylation, thanks to blissfully benighted kinases who have no idea what their actions trigger in me.

Onmyownase (OOMase) + Whatthefuckase-1 (WTFase-1).

One of the domains of my rather variegated mindset is known as Onmyownase, named after the sublimely heart-breaking 'On my Own' from Les Miserables. If you haven't heard it, I strongly recommend you do; you may weep, I know I did. OOMase is coupled to WTFase-1, which basically deals with emotional WTF reactions (as opposed to the more panic-derived WTFase-2 or, quite frankly, the rather collegiate WTFase-3). I've been mooning over this weird love thing I mentioned before, still unclassified, still infuriating, still messy. Suddenly, I feel as if my analysis has worked out, and I have a a found a box for these feelings! Oh, this is OOMase at it's optimum! But then the object of my affectations saunters by, casually gives me a hug, and this stabs me deeply in the gut with a phosphoryl group, and OOMase is deactivated. WTFase-1 comes into play, and I find myself confused. OOMase is a whore: it catalyses a futile cycle of a false sense of security. It makes me think that I have my feelings figured out. But every time I come face to face with this person, every time we spend time together, I get phosphorylated into more and more confusion. The bewilderment and loneliness-products of WTFase both- accumulate, and I am more lost than I ever was. Just like in 'On my Own' when she says that after the love of her life leaves, she starts seeing the world as a wasteland, I do too. I don't feel lonely; I become loneliness, a phantasma trapped in the ugly brown curtains of my room. Funny what a phosphorylation can do to one. What were the kinases that triggered this? An embrace, a kind gesture, laughter...ICK!

Finalsweek Stressferase Complex. (FS Complex).

The Finalsweek Stressferase Complex consists of a series of enzymes, all functionally activated by another. There's ChrisKnightase (CKase) named after Chris Knight from 'Real Genius', and the only role in which I ever will appreciate Val Kilmer, Hyperventilase, Megabitchase and WTFase-2. The enzymes of these complex indulge in a rather elitist trick known as frustrate tunnelling, wherein increasing levels of frustration and stress are passed on from enzyme to enzyme until the end is reached. What regulates this? Kinases, of course! It was a finals week-derived kinase that shut off my negativity pertaining to the mega-immunology final. With 'Defying Gravity' from 'Wicked' clinging delicately from my lips, I went on to do just that: defy gravity. I wasn't all that confident about biochemistry (surprise, surprise!) though. Despite a happy ending, I did manage to shuttle my inadequacies through the FS-Complex.

It's odd how a potentially nice enzyme like ChrisKnightase is linked to the other tormented ones in this complex, because it was ChrisKnightase that opened my eyes to the symphonic beauty of the immune system and my feelings of Blys(!) related to the immunology final. Frankly, it was the object of my obsession who gave me a "You can do it!" type of kinase that phosphorylated my negativity, activated ChrisKnightase, and I was walking on the clouds. Happiness, like Lactate, can't sustain you forever: after my ChrisKnightase catalysed euphoria died. Or rather, my ChrisKnightase was phosphorylated by a kinase derived from a friend who was worrying about the biochemistry exam, that Hyperventilase was activated, and I was convinced that I was going to, how did I put it?, "Flunk like a bitch". Spouting negativity from every pore, I found myself under the spell of Megabitchase which had be biting the heads off of anyone who dared cross me. God, I was a syphilitic penis! It's depressing when your friends sort-of tip-toe around you because they don't want to fuel the inner harpy whom you've unleashed. What's even more degrading is when you welcome that sort of coddling. But thanks to WTFase-2 and Megabitchase, I was imagining the biochemistry final ending with a chandelier crashing to the ground, and a rabble of peasants storming the pharmacy building (Don't ask!).

It also wasn't helping that WTFase-1 was still trying to figure things out romantically. Two very fluxed up pathways, these! Yet I managed to get some studying done. You would think, constant reader, that my WTFase-2 would go crazy upon looking at the exam, but it was phosphorylated just in time! The kinase? The questions asked! Suddenly, what was activated is the enzyme equivalent of a summer rain: OthankGodase (OTGase). OthankGodase I wasn't going to "flunk like a bitch." OthankGodase a million times!

So, I survived finals week. I am braving my "romantic" condundra with a little help from my multimeric states of mind. I apologise for this heavily molecular biology themed post, but we all have our ways of metabolizing our feelings! And now you sort-of know what I do! My dear Charles Ryder is going through something similar , but I am just happy to have us back amongst us: he'd gone missing for a while, and I was a bit frightened! Charles, whether he knows it or not, provides me with a rather hedonistic brand of comfort. I really should mention Butters and Bebe as well: just seeing them makes me feel worlds better! Butters and I hung out today, and it was serene. No enzymes. No pathways. Just equilibrium. The salubrious kind, not the dead kind. Even T-Tweak, being his effervescent self, has been absolutely fantastic. In fact, he and I did have a very scrumptious, piquant conversation recently...ah, but that's a story for another time! Oh, and Hamlet! Hamlet and I swap tales, tantrums and troubles and tricks of the tongue, and once again, a more frothy kind of equilibrium prevails!

Today has been okay. My sleep-deprived brain hasn't the energy to phosphorylate and de-phosphorylate. But I managed to get my desk entropy all sorted out. Like Charles, I shall include a "before" picture:




I've been down this route before, but I am a scientist, and I need to classify. I need to compartmentalize my feelings, so that I can be at peace! Don't you dare accuse me of flogging a dead horse, because neither is it dead, and nor am I sure whether or not it IS a horse! So there! Once again, what do I do? Nothing much to do, I guess, but wait, watch and analyse. Oh kinases! Why do you do this? Why do you show up and start things that you know I cannot finish? Why do you stick a phosphate in it and make me go, "Sugar, we're goin' down!"? Oh look! A glycolysis joke!

Until the next time,
GossipGuy!